Hello Performance Art Lovers, I am back from Spain and just in time for the most amazing event of the year, Lonestar Performance Explosion, Houston's first International Performance Art Biennale. The event will bring together international and local performance artists in a three day adventure that promises a lot of "Ay Dios Mio I can't believe I just witnessed that" experiences. From cars being destroyed anarchist-style, to full frontal viagra-enhanced male nudity to more benign yet still rebellious performances such as "Hatchetation" by Carrie A. Nation.
After partying non-stop, trying lots of new narcotics and drinking night after night with my 100 + relatives in Spain, I ended up developing a liver problem. My doctor told me I either say Adios to the booze or Adios to my glamorous life as a reporter/performance artist. So that's why I am very interested in experiencing the Hatchetation organized by Carrie A. Nation, a new Temperance Leader and Spiritual Entrepreneur in town who is employing performance art as a vehicle for social change by protesting drunkenness, rather than bitching about a tree's love life or popping out of an egg on stage, (not saying that those actions are not performance art, I mean.....everything is)
So I was lucky to score a fabulous interview with Carrie A. Nation about her upcoming protest at notsuoH on March the 10th.
AL: Dear Carrie. Can you tell us a little more about the Temperance movement? Why is it important for Houston drunkards to witness your upcoming Hatchetation protest at the sin infested notsuoH during Lonestar Performance Explosion?
CAN: Well, kudos to you, Anita, for choosing my exact words to describe notsuoH. You’ve done your homework. I am organizing a Hatchetation to take place there on Saturday, March 10th. Its a big night for notsuoH and the Houston art scene. Though it may seem disruptive, the timing couldn't be better for sharing my message of sobriety. Most drunkards WILL NOT want to but they WILL be forced to witness a Nation-Hatchetation-inspired response though.
AL: Is redemption available for everyone? Are there some stubborn drunkards out there for whom a Hatchetation or exorcism may not even work?
CAN: Loss of brain cells, enough said.
AL: I know you have been collecting sinful alcohol-inspired testimonies to be shared within the Hatchetation. Could you share some of your favorites so far?
CAN: “We woke up with vomit on the floor beside our heads, couldn't remember how we got to Mexico and wondered where the hell did we get those Mopeds.” – a recent confession from a mother of two and daughter of a Temperance follower
AL: Oh my God, lol. What could be the consequences if we do not repent once and for all and drop the bottle?
CAN: There are consequences for holding too tight to that bottle!!! These consequences include: being late to work, throwing up at parties, loss of brain cells, losing your purse, syphilis, screwing up valuables, cursing someone out (undeservedly), talking so much no one can stand you, forgetting what you've done, and getting the diabetes!
AL: Does stealing booze from the homeless count as a sin? If yes, Why? If no, Why not? If maybe, Why maybe?
CAN: I do it all the time, so no.
AL: How will you prevent your followers and protesters from engaging in sinful drinking after the Hatchetation at that evil establishment called notsuoH? After all, the devil owns that place.
CAN: Good question. It is my prayer and hope that my protesters are right in their heart of hearts and truly committed to sobriety. It would be sad to see any of them come to a violent end.
AL: Do you think teenagers should be allowed to buy alcohol legally? Some argue that if its is made legal for them, they might not want to suck on the bottle that much.
CAN: Ms. Latinlova, I think NO alcohol should be legal for anyone regardless of age.
AL: What is the best way to deal with an annoying drunk?
CAN: Show them my picture.
AL: Do you think Houston should be a dry city?
CAN: Now you’re catching on, Anita.
AL: What should people wear to witness the Hatchetation?
CAN: Clothes, I hope. It is not my intention to catch anyone in the act of sex, though there is always a high chance for such when drinking is involved.
Well there you go drunkards, make sure you come to Lonestar Performance Explosion and witness Carrie's protest Saturday March the 10th at notsuoH. And don't listen to Jim Pirtle (the owner) if he offers you a drink, we all know he has made a pact with the devil. And remember, drinking can lead to anal sex.